i was always the artsy, eccentric one out of my group. known as outgoing, and over-the-top. i instantly connected with ink on that level. a surface level. i rigged quizzes to always get him, i insisted on roleplaying as him, both online and in person, and i drew him in my sketchbook all the time.
one day, i discovered underverse, and was captivated with this new, darker side of ink. i made a whole scratch account to roleplay as him.
the day i discovered the word 'kinning', i knew it applied. though, later, in 2020/2021, i began experiencing intense delusions related to kinning. INTENSE ones. and people around me were using that word so flippantly that i started using the word delusional attachment. but the delusions became so bad that i started being like, 'no, i hate the term DA because i'm not delusional. this is real, and anyone who doesn't believe me is the true delusional one'. thankfully, i now know that the concept of kinning is deeper than people think and is an appropriate term for what i feel.
i'm gonna format this like an iceberg video because i think it's funny
layer 1: the surface
basic, superficial similarities that i share with ink sans
my hobby for years (since i was a toddler) has been art and worldbuilding, and i hold creativity as a positive attribute in high regards. it was the first thing i say anytime anyone asks me to describe myself. looking at and appreciating art is also a hobby of mine, i was practically raised in art galleries due to my dad working in them and doing art himself, and my mum is a higher-up in a popular art software, AND a screenwriter. art is in my veins. art raised me. art raised all of us. and i believe every movie, show, video you see becomes a part of you.
i'm described by my friends and family as optimistic and passionate, outgoing, entertaining and hardworking.
i'm aroace and use they/them.
my 'favourite colour' is rainbow.
i go on long, long, confusing rambles.
layer 2: below the surface
more in-depth explanations of our similarities
like ink, i often take jokes too far. poking too much fun, continuing a bit that has run its course, etc. it leads to annoyance, or even sometimes it can hurt people. the reason for this is an inability to tell if someone's playing along or just pissed off. in some ways, i can be very introspective, but in others, very clueless.
a poor memory. i cannot for the life of me remember plans, names of people or places, chores, a duty to bring something... i'm a disorganised mess and i always have been.
i get very attached to people very quickly. i'll be telling you i love you as a friend a week in.
i get obsessed with creative project to the point i'll lock out anything and everything around me.
layer 3: getting deeper
oversharing
i often 'fake it till i make it', usually in past relationships. there are times where i should be feeling intense emotions and i feel nothing, so i pretend that i do. eventually i may even be able to convince myself that those feelings are real.
i believe in soulmates, to some extent. i believe people can be connected on a level that is impossible to explain, a connection that can transcend multiverses.
i've found error sanses. i've found many of them. none of them were my error, though. even if at first i thought they were, the feeling that they were alternate versions to mine was clear. they weren't the one i remember fighting for so long and then becoming friends so close we could have been called lovers, if that was something either of us wanted, which it wasn't. we were two halves of a whole. i missed him for so long, more than anyone else.
my error wasn't as mean as most versions of him, at least when i got to know him. he was hot-tempered and sensitive and quick to discomfort, but he was also sweet in the ways that mattered. if i fell down, he would help me up, even if it was with an eyeroll.
he didn't understand me, and i didn't understand him, but we survived the endless loneliness of our existence by offering each other a deeply meaningful companionship. he was the first time i came close to feeling anything real.
as of writing, i found someone who has echoes of him. i think this is MY error. i can feel it. i can feel it when he says he cares, when he listens to me, when i listen to him. this is a version of him with his walls broken down more by circumstance, but this is him nonetheless.
i've found the person i've been searching for. across the multiverse. what are the odds?
