feeling: anticipatory
entry 2 30/11/2023
feeling: anticipatory
me and gordon are in a queer platonic partnership. we've been in one for a while now, and things are going great.
it feels like we've been together for years! ahh...
gordon's birthday is coming up, too! how exciting!!
i don't know what to make for him... maybe a big art piece? and an edit. and something else, i don't know yet!
entry 4 19/10/2023
feeling: excited 
so, i have two weeks left of the school year. pretty cool i think. i'm a lot less stressed about school. most of my assignments are done and dusted. fuck yes. barely any work left! whoo!!! hope i get decent grades!!
i've had a lot of troubles sleeping lately. last friday night and saturday night i got 4 hours total of sleep... just lying awake in the dark trying to sleep, not looking at my phone or anything. i couldn't sleep until 5am on the first night... and then got two hours of sleep. it sucked so bad... and then on the next night i woke up with such bad heartburn that i felt like i was dying. luckily my sleeping is slightly better now but its still not great :(
on a lighter note, last week i watch half life vr but the ai is self aware! and now i am so. sooo. SOOOO. ough. i haven't experienced the thrill of a new hyperfixation in a long time.... all the bursts of creativity and excitement that comes with it:D my friend gordon showed it to me! remember my bff gordon i mentioned in my first post??! well we watched it together! part of me wishes i got into it in 2020 instead of in 2023 when the fandoms more dead but like honestly uhm im glad i got into it in 2023 bc it means i could watch it on call with gordon...!!! and we started a new story with the characters and its SO. MUCH. FUN!!!! these characters are so so sooo silly and fun and they make my brain crazy and electrified.
on tuesday i also umm worked a job on the set of an 'erotic horror plant film'. i was cleaning dishes for the meal after the shooting i wasnt in the plant gore porn film or whatever it was XD but anyway i had really nasty sensory overload and that sucked bad but at least then i could come home and talk to my friend gordon. (theres a running theme in these entries, isnt there...?)
i also got to call and play roblox with my friend pauling recently and that ROCKED omfg i love pauling so much. gordon and pauling are dating each other too HOW COOL IS THAT??!?! MY BEST FRIENDS DATING EACH OTHER :D sure it could lead to some drama or whatever eventually but i heavily doubt it bc both of them are so nice. i helped set up the two of them in a relationship its so great. gordon wrote a really pretty poem today to. it made me tear up a little. and also gordon came up with a really cool au for an oc server im in and it was UNDERTALE RELATED(!!!).
speaking of paulie and gordon together its been making me think. am i super aroace? cuz like i dont know if ive ever really felt It (romantic love) before, apart from maybe salem? though that could have also been platonic love?? and like i def loved victor but was that platonic or romantic?? ARGH!!! maybe i just havent met the right person! who knows!!
anyway... gay yuri hlvrai ships are in my bloodstream now (havent said something like that since 2019?). we (me and gordon) have been rping some of them but rn we're on break for our tf2 guys who i also LOVEbut ARGH THE HYPERFIXATION!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE U GORDON FOR THIS WORM IN MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!! kidding kidding
entry 3 9/10/2023
feeling: excited 
i'm listening to the Beyond Canon album for the first time in a while, because WOW!!!! homestuck^2 UPDATED!!! and it has a NEW TEAM. yeah, that's right! not only is hussie not involved, neither is ayesha or anyone else who fucked up the last one. plus, james roach has actually read the fucking epilogues!! yay!
i'm very optimistic about this despite some pushback from the fandom. i'm actually kinda tempted to leave a homestuck server i'm in because of how annoyingly negative they're being... i'm glad i got to call with my best friend jade today and just ramble about this fucking UPDATE!!!!!! i did NOT expect to wake up to this!!!
it's kinda cheesy but i really did miss all these characters from the epilogues. truly i did. like terezi, john, dirk, roxy, rose, jake... EVERYONE!!!! their stories in the epilogues were amazing and they just... left on a cliffhanger :( BUT NOW!! THEIR STORIES CONTINUE! and not in the shitty way that hs^2 had previously handled it! that wallet!! that fucking wallet that terezi holds, it PROVES they're taking their stories seriously!!!!!!
AND i got to talk about ponies and my ocs with my friends!!!!!!!!!!! AND i got accepted into a web ring!!!!!!!
GOD I'M JUST SO HAPPY AND EXCITED RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
entry 1 8/10/2023
feeling: conflicted 
i tried to make the blog look pretty but whatever this works too. cool. simple. futuristic.
usually i'm peppier, kind of a weird day to be making this. i'm feeling kinda odd.
i thought i'd be getting a lot of productive work done these holidays, but, seems like that isn't the case. barely done anything. sucks. i haven't even been voice chatting with my friends enough or getting much art done. this site is one creative thing i've gotten done, though. good job, me. i guess.
it's nice to have friends again. both online and in the flesh world. a lot of my time now is taken up by waiting on those little discord notifications. not a super great thing to rely on to fill the days, but... you know. who cares? i don't think i'm gonna fail school. i've done a lot more than a lot of people in my class have done.
a part of it is my breakup. stuff like that affects mental health a lot. and just general laziness. adhd. whatever.
my friend gordon's been helping me through this rough patch. we met on june 4th ( my sister's birthday!) which is... so crazy to me. i move pretty quick in friendships a lot, but, wreow we're already so close and it's only been about four fucking months. hell, he might even be reading this. hope he isn't in a way. i'm feeling a little unhinged right now.
it's weird. every time he's not texting me it's like... i get kinda depressed about it. a lil sad. a lil empty almost. i dunno. probably a huge reason why i'm not getting much done. lots of gordon-time. probably unhealthy. but if i dont have someone who i get like this about, stuff feels even worse. i really love him as a friend a lot. it's like i've known him my whole life. part of me wants to put him in a lil hamster cage and get all his attention forever but also then he'd be sad and wouldn't have other best friends and i don't want that!!!!!!!!! so that part of me is very small and mean. i don't actually want that. i want gordon to be happy and i want gordon to have every friend ever. everyone should see how cool gordon is and how cool its art and stories and ocs and stuff are. and xe has such awesome style like in design and stuff. like xyr COLOUR USAGE and and and okay no more rambling.
today i got out of the house at least. walked around. ate some food. took the pill that made me not feel sick post-eating a little too late, but largely i think it's working. maybe i can finally put on some weight! glad to end on a good note lol i feel better :3
